whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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