Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
