Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
