I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
