You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
