70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
