"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize