you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
