WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
