you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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