They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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