Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
