That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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