a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
