Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
