I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
