Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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