K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
