The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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