he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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