You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
