Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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