She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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