so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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