we have pet lesbian snakes
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
