hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
