i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
