i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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