So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
