ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
