why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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