I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
