best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize