and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
