I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
