Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
