I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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