I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
