I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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