Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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