I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
