physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
