I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Who died my cat blue again?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
