if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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