he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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