Im at strip club and am horny
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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