This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
