Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
