I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
