Christians are straight up FREAKS
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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