Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
