Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
