and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
