trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I need to stop coming to work sober
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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