No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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