so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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