so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
