I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
