he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
