I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
