i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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