please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
