dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
