By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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