And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
