Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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