You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
