We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
