sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
