I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
